Guild Wars jokes thread

[:1]Well, since:

• The Lounge is gone


• I find you lack of posting in this forum disturbing


• Those levels on the left aren't going to grind themselves


• No, really, postcount go up = level go up (slowly but surely)


• Mine is going up and don't call me Shirley


• Advanced boredom

Let's have a good old classical "Make a Guild Wars Joke" thread.

The rules are simple. There are no rules. Except these(which are surprisingly difficult to find) and the joke has to be GW related or it gets moved to the OTF. And probably best to put storyline related jokes in SPOILER tags.

Your joke must be at least worthy of being told by the Mad King. Which is a low, low, low standard.

And to start of with a few examples:



Spoiler




Waldorf: Wow, Kormir just stole Godhood from under our nose. Didn't see that one coming.

Stadler: Neither did she. DOHOHOHO.





A Dwarf walks into a Norn bar. "Dwarven Ale for all a ye, you too Barkeep, for the celebration of da King!". The Norn Barkeep pours drinks for the entire bar. At the end of the evening, barkeep walks up to the Dwarf and says "that'll be 10,600 gold please". The Dwarf says he doesn't have any money, so the Norn beats him up.

Couple days later, the Dwarf returns, already hammered and shouts: "The finest Vabbian Wine for all on me, me mother-in-law passed away! Come one barkeep, join us!" Another celebration, and at the end of the night, the dwarf again has no money so the Norn beats him up again.

A week later, the Dwarf returns yet again. "Me team won on the Rollerbeetle races! Drinks for everyone on me, except you Barkeep." So the barkeep asks "What, no drink for me anymore?". To which the Dwarf replies " 'course not, ye get too violent when ye drink."|||Q:Why did the Tengu cross the road?

A:To get to the other side!

Q:Why did Kilroy Stonekin cross the road?

A: To punch the Tengu.

Yo' mama so fat, skills that target adjacent enemies hit everyone on her radar.

How many yaks can a Yakslapper slap if a Yakslapper can slap yaks?|||Q: Why did the Charr cross the road?

A: To eat the Tengu!

Q: Why did the Guild Wars 2 Developer cross the road.

A: He hasn't yet but he is sure he will be crossing the road sometime in the next year.

Q: Why did the mesmer cross the road?

A: Hey, I swear there was a road here a second ago...|||Q: When will GW2 cross the road?

A: When it's ready.|||What's the difference between a Dwarf wedding and a Dwarf funeral?



Spoiler


One less drunk.





What's the difference between a Werewolf and a female Norn?



Spoiler


A werewolf is only covered in hair during a full moon.





An Asura, a Human and a Dwarf walk into a bar and order 3 Ales. Suddenly 3 flies fly in and land in their beers.

The Asura goes "most intriguing" and immediately start studying it's behaviour. The Human simply picks the fly out of his drink and discards it behind the shoulder. The Dwarf also grabs the fly and suddenly starts shouting "SPIT IT OUT YE BASTERD, SPIT IT OUT"!







Yeah, I'm stereotyping the races a bit...I don't think anyone'll be bothered|||how smart is an asura?

depends on the amount of ego.

what is a war called with sylvari?

a biological war.

cinn: die dammit

olias: live dammit

asesia: say alive dammit|||A dwarf walks into a bar in Lion's Arch and orders three ales all at once. The bartender says to him, "Master Dwarf, the ales would probably taste better if I served them in order, after you've finished the previous one."

The dwarf replies, "Aye, but these are for my brothers back at the Shiverpeaks. It is a tradition that when we're away, we order the same number of ales as if we're together, and we drink them all at once to celebrate our family."

This went on every day for several weeks. One day the dwarf comes in and orders two ales. The bartender, concerned, asks, "Master Dwarf, I see that you are only ordering two ales at once. I hope nothing has happened to your brothers." The dwarf laughs, "Oh, nothing of the sort. I decided to stop drinking."

-T|||Charr: Asurans are nasty critters.

Human: Very, little trouble makers.

Charr: *grins at Human*

Human: Oh...



Why didn't the Asuran cross the road?

There was no lowly creature around to ride across.



Human Warrior: I was tossed into the air by a Sylvari elementalist once, it sucked.

Human Engineer: In Russia, salad tosses you.



Is that a bone minion in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?|||Zhed Shadowhoof walks into a bar one day looking glum and the bar tender says "Why the long face?"

Wastrel's Worry, Demise and Collapse walk into a bar...the place empties immediately.

Why shouldn't you take young Gwen out on a mission? She's always either skipping, playing the flute or burning the town down.

Why shouldn't you feed Shiro Tagachi broccoli? Because the next day will be the day of the jade wind and your nose will be corrupted.

Have you seen the Godess of Truth's statue? Neither has she!

Why were the God's parents upset with their children? Because one of them was Dhuum.

That's your lot for the night!

-Art|||Melandru often wonders why her kids always need to go to the bathroom when she calls them. (think about it)